My experience with Abilify.

For almost 10 years, I have been living with the confirmed diagnosis of Bipolar II and Borderline Personality disorder. I also live with co-morbidities such as OCD, ADHD and Body Dysmorphia.

My anxiety easily goes from 0 to 60 in perceived or true threats. In an instant, I can be at my baseline when suddenly something or someone affects me so much, that my cup overflows and I burst.

In public, I don’t handle confrontation very well. If I encounter a stressful situation, it’s quite possible for me to have an episode. Typically it begins with something upsetting, then my immediate reaction is to get so angry that I cry. I take Lamictal as a mood stabilizer to help curb the intensity of these episodes, but they still happen.

I’m sure that I’m not alone in that, because being angry/outraged/aggravated is distressing and can be overwhelming. It’s our fight or flight response. I don’t like to run from the problem, even if it’s better to just let some things go..

I also have a bad habit of reliving these situations as I reflect each evening and analyze my day. I have caught myself having imaginary arguments with people, simply because I didn’t take action or communicate my problem in a less emotional way. Being out of that moment, I have the clarity and wherewithall to see what I could’ve done better, or even just differently.

Cut to me being prescribed Seroquel. I was on it for at least a year, and thought it was helping. Then I switched doctors and they informed me that at my dosage, aggression was more prevalent.

So I tried Abilify. I was prescribed a higher than normal dosage and ultimately it made me disassociate. My partner and I had a huge fight about a month into my adjustment. There he sat, crying out of frustration, coming from a hopeless place. As much as I love that man, I sat opposite of him and just looked on.. I felt nothing.

As an Empath, I normally care too much. This time, I didn’t care at all.

That was scary for me. There we were, having an all out verbal brawl and all I could think about was how empty I felt. It wasn’t even the same feeling of emptiness that I experience in my depressive moods. It felt like not giving a shit was my only way out.

So I changed doctors again to get a second opinion. Thankfully, I finally felt heard and now I’m taking a low dose of Zyprexa. Anti-psychotics work fairly quickly to help patients adjust sooner than say, an antidepressant. You shouldn’t take those anyway if diagnosed with Bp II without discussing it thoroughly with a medical professional, as they tend to make manic symptoms worse.

I found this neat website that offers some really good information, if you’d like to learn more about your medication and how to also minimize side effects.

I encourage everyone with mental health issues to find a psychiatrist that makes you feel taken care of. For some, medication is just one aspect of living in balance.

It’s best to consider that one’s mental and physical health heal their best with the use of a multi-pronged approach.

My prongs are medication, therapy, exercise, being creative, eating well and sleeping enough.

What does your approach look like?

The journey to health and wellness is always moving forward, with or without you being fully present. Some days you might hit road bumps and not have it all together. And that is totally okay. Try to focus on the days that you do have it down.

Remember, the lighter moments can help you through the darker ones. Don’t forget them. Don’t let your light be overshadowed by the bad days. Or rather, don’t let them take over your well-being. Stay positive and be creative with your solutions.

You have all the power, and you deserve to feel well.